Happiness is....

It's been a long time since my last "real" post. The reason? Well, I was getting a little tired of spewing the same old woe is me tripe. But the truth is...I've been profoundly discouraged about my life and the world around me. And using this beloved site as an outlet no longer felt safe to me, because among my millions of readers...lol...a growing number of friends (and even family members) have been monitoring me through it...and in certain instances...dissecting every little word I write. In all honesty, I really don't feel the need to offer explanations of my entries here. Maybe that's selfish, but that's just the way I feel. Often times, I prefer to just write something as a form of catharsis (and be done with it!)...not as a launching pad for external debate about my neuroses. So there: I've said it. And that (hopefully) will be the end of that...

Sometimes I feel as if I've been sucked into a black hole with no escape. Even though I live in The Land of the Free, my life choices have led me down a path which is taking me deeper and deeper into despair...compounded by the sinking feeling that the World as we know it is headed for certain disaster.

My facade is grounded in deception. People seek me out , because I like to entertain; my acid tongue and razor-sharp wit make a potent combination...if I do say so myself...lol. I love to make people laugh because it gives me an excuse to laugh, too. Laughter is good medicine. But sometimes the underlying disease smashes through the barrier of therapy, and a more drastic modality is needed to achieve control.

Instead of talking in riddles tonight, let me just lay it on the line. This is the first in a series of forthcoming posts wherein I'm going to attempt to map out my strategy for survival. Step #1 was admitting to myself that I need to make some real changes in the way I live my life. That was pretty easy. The ensuing parts of the puzzle are not going to be simple at all, because they will require sacrifice and a lot of hard work. I'm not afraid. But I am somewhat sad. Sad...because I've been searching and searching for years...and the answers remain elusive.

The truth is out there.

Happiness is...not out of my reach.

I hope.